Monday, December 28, 2009

A question for Black Sabbath...

Rockmocker reader D.V. writes:
If Iron Man is made of iron, why does he have boots of lead? Are they somehow more frightening than boots of iron?

Well put, D.V., and thanks for submitting the first of what will surely be many questions for Satan’s favorite underlords, the gentlemen of Black Sabbath.

“Are lead boots somehow more frightening?” you ask.
Consider this. Iron, while it can be forged into some scary things (knives, cannons, maidens, giants…) is essential for effective cell growth and development. An iron deficiency results in low energy, poor work performance, and decreased immunity.
Lead, on the other hand, despite having its productive uses (batteries, radiation shields, zeppelins), is nonetheless a potent neurotoxin that accumulates in the body’s soft tissue and bone marrow. If a developing body accumulates enough of it, junior is looking at a permanent seat on the short bus.
Bottom line, a child might actually benefit from licking Iron Man’s bare feet, but once he puts on those lead boots…he becomes an I.Q.-destroying colossus.

Also, “boots of lead” conveniently rhymes with, “fills his victims full of dread,” and let’s be frank—you just don’t pass on a divinely inspired lyric like that.

The apocalyptic song ends, of course, thusly:
Heavy boots of lead
Fills his victims full of dread
Running as fast as they can
Iron Man lives again!

And it’s really that last line that makes the up-to-this-point pretty ominous song much less scary to the rockmocker. I mean, how fast do you really have run to escape a guy wearing lead boots?

Seriously, Iron Man, you could "unfurl" (rhymes with "world") a lot more vengeance if you would go with some kind of cross-training shoe.

Got a question for a classic rocker? Send it to the rockmocker!
Brilliant lyrics to Iron Man here.
Below, a pre- purple Lennon glasses Ozzie does his thing…

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