Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A Rockmocker call to action!

Greetings fellow dwellers of The Rockosphere!

The Rockmocker is currently on assignment (i.e. busy with paying work) and will likely not be posting for the remainder of this week. But I do have important news to share...
The Rockmocker has recently secured funding to break ground on The Rockmocker Center for the Study of Dubious Metaphors for Sexual Congress in Rock Lyrics

Now I need your help! Have you collected a favorite lyrical euphemism for doing the nasty? A carnal turn of phrase that is juvenile, puerile, prosaic, or flat-out goofy? Please send them in to the rockmocker and together we will build the largest (and only) database of lyrical intercourse innuendo in the world. This invaluable research tool will then be permanently posted on the Rockmocker site.

I'll get things started with a couple of my favorites:

My cup is on the table, my love is spilling
Waiting here for you to take and drink of...
-Roll With the Changes, REO

Show me round your fruitcage
‘cause I will be your honey bee
open up your fruitcage
where the fruit’s as sweet as can be...
-Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel

What say you, fellow rocker? Will you be a part of this historic endeavor?
Post your contribution as a comment to this post or email the Rockmocker.

Now, get out there and think dirty!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A question for Loverboy...

You say "everybody," but what about the people who have to work on the weekend?

Below: Will Ferrell doing Robert Goulet doing Loverboy. I could not, in good conscience, ask you to watch the actual band.
He starts singing at 1:45, but it's all pretty funny.
Question for a rocker? Query the rockmocker.

Email the Rockmocker!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I hate to bother you again, Stevie Nicks...

It's about Landslide. I know everybody loves this song--especially the ladies--and I don't mean to be petty, it's just... I've spent a fair amount of time in the mountains. I've looked at a lot of snow, but I have yet to see my reflection. Shadow? Certainly. Reflection? No. I read that you wrote this song in Aspen, but I've looked at Aspen snow too. Nothing. Tell me, Stevie Nicks, where does one find reflective snow?

Also, minor point and I hate to quibble, but you say you saw your reflection "in the snow covered hills till a landslide brought it down". If the hills are snow covered, wouldn't it be an avalanche rather than a landslide that brought it (your reflection) down?

Also, still waiting on that Edge of Seventeen answer. Thanks, Stevie. Look forward to hearing from you soon!

Lyrics to Landslide here.
Read about the distinction between avalanches and landslides here.

Got a question for Stevie Nicks or another ethereal gypsy rocker?
Send it to the Rockmocker. We'll pass it along.

Okay, ladies. Here she is. Doing Landslide with Lindsey B. Apparently they had a bit of thing once.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A question for Judas Priest...

I suppose that by now a helpful fan has hipped you to this, but were you aware that the actual, correct phrase is, "you've got another THINK coming"? No big deal. You can say what you want. Artistic license and all. Just puttin' it out there.

Lyrics to You Got Another Thing Coming here.
Discussion of the mild grammatical controversy surrounding this phrase here.

Below: a then-still-closeted Rob Halford does his thing.
Excerpt from the comments posted below this video on youtube:
"a dude as bad ass as Rob Halford could possibly turn me gay as long as i would be as cool as him..." -mattman67560
Well said, mattman. I think you're halfway there.

Got a question for a classic rocker? 
Send it to the Rockmocker and we'll pass it along.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A question for Jon Anderson...

Rockmocker reader, J.H. has a question for Jon Anderson of YES. He writes:
How did the "gold stainless nail" get "torn through the distance of man"?
And what the hell is a "Siberian Khatru"--a particularly incoherent sneeze
that comes from the kind of cold you catch there?

Whoa. Those are pretty heady questions, J.H.! I'm afraid they're way out of the Rockmocker's sphere of expertise, so we'll have to wait for Mr. Anderson to respond.
Huh. No response. Maybe some clues will emerge if we look more closely at the lines in question:

Gold stainless nail,
Torn through the distance of man
As they regard the summit.
Even Siberia goes through the motions.
Hold out and hold up;
Hold down the window.                                        
Hold out the morning that comes into view.
River running right on over my head.

Huh. Running right over my head too. Do hold down the window, though. I think I might hurl.

Full lyrics to Siberian Khatru here. Warning: it only gets weirder.
Five things you should know before adopting a Siberian Husky here!

Anyway, thanks for the question, J.H. I'll send an alert the minute Mr. Anderson responds!
How about you? Got a pressing question for a classic rocker?
Don't hold it in! Send it to the Rockmocker.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A question for Billy Squier...

Regarding the person that everybody wants in the song Everybody Wants You, where does he or she work? I'm just curious to know at which company you are able to "take your pension in loneliness and alcohol." Do many people opt for that over the 401k?

See full lyrics to Everybody Wants You here.
Below, a 30-second clip of a close-cropped, modern-day Billy performing the song acoustically with a red puppet. If that thing's on his own left hand, I am impressed and humbled. If not, just confused.
Question for a classic rocker? Send it to the Rockmocker.
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Sunday, January 10, 2010

You know what's driving ME crazy, Sammy Hagar?

Your lack of even the most rudimentary botanical knowledge.

"Hot, sweet cherries on the vine"?
Where exactly are these cherry vineyards of which you sing so passionately?

Lyrics to Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy here.
Learn about cherry trees here.

Got a question for classic rocker? Send it on over to the rockmocker.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A question for Foreigner...

re: Double Vision
Feelin' down 'n dirty. Feelin' kinda mean.
I've been from one to another extreme.
Dear Foreigner,
Don't mean to be nitpicky, but "down 'n dirty" and "kinda mean" don't strike me as particularly antipodal ways of feelin'. I'd say the terms are more complementary than contradictory.
If you truly have been "from one to another extreme," wouldn't it be more accurate--and no less rhymey--to say:
Feelin' down and dirty. Feelin' up and clean.
or perhaps,
Feelin' rather friendly. Feelin' kinda mean.
Opposites, you know? From one to another extreme. 
Also, Foreigner, you might want to check out this t-shirt. I think somebody owes you money for this one.
Full lyrics to Double Vision here.
Symptoms, causes of, and treatment for Double Vision (diplopia) here.
Got an urgent question for Foreigner or another tight-panted rocker?
Send it to the Rockmocker and we'll pass it along.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Say, you want a resolution?

Here's one for you... Mock more in 2010!
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Ringo's onboard. Shouldn't you be too?

(Yo B-Ho! Thanks for the clip tip.)

Monday, January 4, 2010

A question for the Doobie Brothers...

re: China Grove
...every day there's a new thing comin'
the ways of an oriental view
The sheriff and his buddies
with their samurai swords
you can even hear the music at night
And though it's a part
of the Lone Star State
people don't seem to care
They just keep on lookin' to the East...
Okay, given that their sleepy little town is called China Grove, why do the sheriff and his buddies carry (Japanese) samurai swords? Would not Lungchuan swords be more appropriate? Also, should the sheriff's buddies even have swords? You told us in the first verse that the people of the town are strange. Seems like doling out samurai swords to a bunch of crackpot yokels might not be the most prudent idea.
I suppose that's the kind of logic we should expect from so-called "brothers" whose only familial bond was apparently a common and close relationship with the doob.
Know what I'd like to see someday? Some real brothers (and sisters) rock the China Grove.
Oh, sweet Jeezus! Here come some now...
(Seriously. Click that little arrow. You are so gonna dig this. Awesome back-up singers at 0:50. Even awesomer back-up singers at 0:57.)

Question for a classic rocker?
Send it to the Rockmocker!

Full lyrics to China Grove here.
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